Death and Dying
In the medical field, specifically in geriatrics, death and dying is at the forefront of many peoples thoughts. Physicians, nurses, CNAs, techs, and all other affiliated and associated health-care workers have or will experience death on a professional level at some point in their career. For many health-care workers, death feels like a failure even if the death is the inevitable outcome (rather than an unexpected outcome). On a personal level, most individuals will only experience death through the death of a loved one or family member. In this situation there can be a sense of guilt that pervades the feelings of loss and can monopolize much of a person’s emotional energy.
I see this frequently, especially in situations where there was little communication between surrogate decision makers and family members or loved ones with dementia. In our clinic, and I know that many other clinics do this as well, we try to set aside specific appointments for people to review their Advance Care Plans (ACP) to take some of the awkwardness out of the conversation. Advance Care Plans are exactly what they sound like - plans that you make for your care in advance of your eventual demise. It may seem very morbid, but I am frequently reminded that the best plans are “Comprehensive, Communicated, and Confirmed.” This is not just in reference to medical plans, but any type of plan. When Lauren and I go backpacking we make sure we plan the trip, let some people know where we’re going and for how long, and then get a “thumbs up” from the person we’ve told before we leave.
This type of planning alleviates much of the survivor’s guilt of the person making the medical decision for their loved one while allowing the person continued autonomy over their medical decisions. I highly recommend speaking with your primary care office to see if this type of planning is available or if they have information where you can learn more.
Here’s some resources to get started!
Texas MOST Form (Most states look similar to this, but be sure you find the one specific to your location)
These are all excellent resources and a great jumping off point for those important conversations! Remember, there is nothing certain except death and taxes.
